Transitioning To Two Kids
Transitioning To Two Kids
The past three months have been a wild ride. Actually, the past 2 years have been a wild ride. Maeve came into the world almost two years ago, fast and furious. And 9 months later, two days before the world shut down, we found out we were pregnant again. We knew we wanted two babies close in age, but it still felt a little scary to find out we were having another baby so soon.
Everyone said two under two is HARD. But very, very worth it. I went in to this with the mindset “this will be hard as hell and someone will probably always be crying.” And some of that has been true. Sometimes both babies are actually just fine and I’m the one crying.
We have successfully made it through the fourth trimester and Marley for the most part has been a little angel. I truly do love the newborn phase and I know not everyone does. But for me, the newborn wasn’t the hard part. For me, it was all of the emotions that come along with your first baby no longer being your only baby. I think the only time I cried that first week was when I had a breakdown hoping that Maeve still loved me. Shocker - of course she still loves me, but I needed to hear it. It is quite the rollercoaster of emotions you can’t really prepare for, but it has blown me away how resilient a little toddler can be to such a big transition.
Some nice little surprises that Marley threw in for us these first few months:
She has a milk protein allergy and my favorite food in the whole world is ice cream.
Around week 10 (conveniently before I had to head back to work) she decided to scream anytime Dan held her. It stopped the same week, but OOF that was fun.
The first time I flew solo with both girls for bath time and bedtime, she pooped in the tub.
When she wants something, she wants it RIGHT NOW.
Okay, here goes. This gets a little long, but these are all the things I would have loved to know going into it!
Here are some questions that I got about the transition to two:
Must have products and things that help:
Grandparents
Wine
Coffee
Solly wrap - you can’t always hold both babies
Infant bath - keeps Marley safe in the big tub when Maeve is in there, too.
Elvie - because when my arms are not tied up with babies, I don’t want to be physically tied to the wall.
Pacifiers (buy extras for when #1 steals them and runs away)
Bassinet for the main living area
Learning tower for the kitchen (anyone with a toddler knows the leg grab whining while you are trying to make dinner)
To go along with products, I will say that you don’t need much “equipment". I work full time as a pediatric physical therapist and see a lot of babies for developmental delays and torticollis. Something that I practiced with my first baby and preach to my patients is to really limit time in things like a bouncer, bumbo seat, exersaucer, swing, etc because the best place for a baby to develop is on a flat surface - the floor, a blanket, or playmat. BUT I will say with a second baby, you will need something. I personally have the baby Bjorn bouncer and use this sparingly for when Maeve is eating or needs me and Marley is awake. Otherwise, we work it into our routine that the girls play together on the floor most of the time! This is hard, but something that I truly believe if you start from the beginning, your baby will like tummy time sooner and won’t be so angry when you have to lay them down.
What was harder: going from 1 baby to 2 or 0-1 baby?
For me, 1-2 was harder. I think part of this has to do with the fact that Maeve was a very easy newborn. Like, did not cry for the first two weeks of her life, which I realize is almost unbelievable. But I was much more anxious as a first time mom. About a lot of things… breastfeeding, sleep, am I doing this all right, etc. With Marley, I am so much less anxious, but there is not much time to rest. You can’t just nap when the baby naps with two and I felt like I needed about six arms that first few months. I am not someone who likes to ask for help and I have had to do that A TON this time around! Do not be afraid to ask for help and do not feel bad about turning on Little Baby Bum or Cocomelon just “one more time” while you feed the baby.
Marley is three months old and I have tackled a solo bath time bedtime with both girls once. Only once. We are very lucky to have help and I am so glad that I have learned to ask for it, because it just makes everything less stressful. For a while I felt like I needed to prove to myself that I could do it, but then I realized - why am I doing that to myself? And things are already starting to feel so much easier and more manageable on my own!
“About to have #2 and #1 will be a year and a half. I’m scared I’ll miss out on #1. How do you manage?”
The beginning is full of emotions over this exact thing. I wondered what Maeve was thinking and feeling about everything. But she doesn't have the words to tell me yet. I think one on one time is important here and there throughout the day, but it isn’t always realistic. From the time we brought Marley home, I have tried to include them in activities together instead of always focusing on one on one time. I know that a sibling is the best gift I could give Maeve, but I also know that it takes time to build a bond.
How did your first adapt to being a big sister?
She has done really well so far! The first few weeks went pretty smoothly and she wasn’t too phased by it all since Marley could just sleep anywhere and was pretty much just eating or sleeping all of the time. I think it got a little harder for her around 5-6 weeks when Marley woke up a little more, needed more of our help and attention and she realized okay, okay this baby is here for good. Lately, she is very used to having her around, loves to play with her and take baths with her, and is such a good little helper. She still has her moments of “mama, pay attention to me”, but for the most part has blown me away.
Also, I will say that you can’t expect your toddler to be super excited when he or she first meets the new baby. Maeve cried because I think she was very overwhelmed and confused. We also introduced her right before her nap time when she was very tired so that probably wasn’t the smartest move :)
How do you go about making #1 not feel left out when #2 arrives?
Include #1 in little jobs to help the baby - grab a burp cloth, give sis a kiss if she is crying, bring her a toy, etc.
Sit and eat meals with #1 and talk about something other than the baby. Have one on one time with both mom and dad.
Tandem napping? Is it possible?
Yes and no. There was a glorious 2 week period where they had overlapping two hour naps in the afternoon. It was amazing. But now they are on opposite schedules. This is great for one on one time with both of them, but then there is truly no break until bed time. In about another month I think we will be back on tandem afternoon naps because of wake windows/nap times and WE CAN’T WAIT :) What in the world will I do with a few hours?!
I will say that naps were by far the hardest part logistically about going from 1 to 2 kids. In the beginning when your baby only wants to nap on you, it’s hard. When they get more aware and need a dark room, but also need a lot of paci pops, it’s hard. When your toddler is screaming “MAMAMAMA” directly next to the crib while you’re trying to make a nap happen, it’s hard. But we just kept practicing more and more naps in the crib and one day it clicked. It paid off because now I can put Marley down and she will nap for 1.5-2 hours on her own, without help to fall asleep, and I can count on some time to spend with Maeve or to do something for myself. But I will say weeks 5-8 feel hard AF for lack of a better word.
How do you balance spending time with both - for your husband and yourself?
We have a lot of Maeve’s toys in the basement and it is always such a good little reset for her if one of us takes her down there to play while the other stays up with Marley. In the beginning it was so helpful when Dan would take Maeve outside to play or go on a walk with the dogs to give me some time to rest after being up a lot in the night. I think balance is something we will have to figure out with each week that passes, but I do feel like we are getting the hang of life with two. Once you are in it, it just becomes the new normal and it feels more natural to split your time.
What has surprised you the most?
How grown up my first baby seemed as soon as we brought our newborn home. Maeve had only ever been my baby and she was still so little in my eyes. She took a nap on me in a glider in her room for the last time a few days before I had Marley. And now I can’t imagine her holding still long enough to even attempt that. It is truly insane how fast babies grow and this became so apparent when I all of sudden had a 6 lb little peanut in my arms. It is so bittersweet to watch your baby grow up, but it is the best thing ever to watch them love and care for their little sibling.
Also, I have been very shocked at how long I have lasted not eating dairy. I mean I don’t think I have not had ice cream for this stretch of time since… I don’t know, maybe 2nd grade?